Forever and a Day: A 9th Doctor ShortTrip
by That-Other-Doctor
Summary: Set between "Dalek" and "The Long Game". The Pain is Forever. The Loneliness is a Choice.


"The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved." - Mother Teresa

* * *

"What is her name?"

"Does it matter? She needs help."

"It does, actually. Your churlishness aside, this _is_ a hospital, and we have a thing called records that I have to update relatively regularly."

"Since when did this godforsaken place become a hospital?"

"Since I arrived and started doing some good around here, oddly enough. So, I will ask again: What is your companion's name?"

"Tyler. Rose Tyler."

"Nice name."

"Quite."

"'_Rose Tyler'_" The handwriting was neat and flowing on her clipboard. "And what is the matter with Miss Tyler?"

"That's it then? Business as usual? No ''Ello' or 'How's your life?' or 'How've you been the past few centuries?'"

"You did not ask me, so I did not ask you."

"Now look who's being churlish."

She ignored him. "What _is_ wrong with Miss Tyler? I have a dozen other patients to attend to, you know."

"Snyper venom."

"Ursae III or Andros?"

"Andros."

"Injection site?"

"Lower right arm, just below the elbow."

"Is she human?" A slight pause, then a bitter, sardonic chuckle. "Silly question. Of course she is human."

He raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"If she is human, why bring her here? The venom of _Snypericus Varanoidea _resembles that of any earthen subspecies of _Pythonomorpha_. It is little more than a minor snake bite. She could have been treated at any hospital on her homeworld."

He snorted. "Terminus wasn't my intended destination, I assure you."

"Your driving has not improved, then." There it was, the faintest trace of a smile ghosting the corners of her mouth.

"You could say that."

It was gone again in a flash. Gone too soon, lost to the darkness of the ages. "Because you would not be here for any other reason except by accident."

His voice was low and icy. "I'm here to help Rose."

"Miss Tyler . . . Rose . . . is in good hands, I can assure you."

"Your own, then?"

"If that is what you wish, then yes. I will attend to her myself."

She turned on her heel, and began to walk away.

"How long has it been?" He called, stopping her dead in her tracks.

She turned, and bore into him with incredibly intelligent eyes. "30 years, 10 months, and 27 days." She hesitated, then asked, "And for you?"

"Long enough. Too long."

She started to come back, cocking her head as she observed him. "Yes. The years have not been easy on you."

He didn't trust himself to answer.

"How many times have you regenerated since I saw you last?"

"Four times. It's felt like much more."

"You _have_ changed, so very much." She had reached him again. Her fingertips tentatively brushed the heavy leather of his lapels. "It's like a veil behind your eyes, shielding something within, hiding something from the universe. A burden which no man should have to carry. A self-consumption, a guilt, a regret . . . sitting like a rock in your stomach and freezing your hearts much as a frost kills the flowers of fall. An ache not only of the body, but of the soul. You are hurting, old friend. Time and circumstance has aged you beyond comprehension."

He bent his head, his bright blue eyes tinged with steel. "You can't understand."

"Can I not?" She was angry now. A rare sight, but a fearful one. "We are children of circumstance, you and me. I understand because I _know_. I do not know what has happened to you, but I see in your eyes the pain I have harbored away within my heart, festering within me for so very, very long. Who are you to say I cannot understand?"

"Because they're all _dead_!" He cried out, suddenly, "All of them! They burned. My planet, my _home_! All of the people I've loved and cared about! They're all gone now, and it's my fault . . . my fault."

He was silent, staring at the metal grating of the floor as painful memories best forgotten came flooding back in a torrent of sorrow and regret.

"I'm the last one . . .

She knew. She could see it now.

Oh, how she knew.

"I am the last one, too . . . Doctor." She said gently, "My world is far away and long since dead. The _devil _killed my father, stole his body, forced me to hurt my friends, and then destroyed my world and my people in the fires of entropy. I had nothing left . . . nothing but the endless years stretching ahead into an interminable future of desolation and loneliness"

He had tears in his eyes. Quiet, aching, bitter tears that refused to fall.

"Tell me it goes away. Tell me it gets better."

She shook her head. "Never. You can hide it away, nurse it, bury it, but you can never kill it. The pain is forever. The loneliness, however, is a choice."

"You were like a father to me, old friend. I loved you. Even when I had nothing, when despair threatened to consume me, I always had you. And then I left you, to stay here. On Terminus. I needed a sense of purpose again, a sense of duty like that which I had always known back home. Here, I could be useful, and make a difference in the lives of unfortunates like you did every day across time and space . . . But I never saw you again. I had dark days here, days where I wanted to end the loneliness that had set in once again. I longed for my home and my friends. I longed for my family. I longed for you. And when you didn't come sweeping in, all sensitive youth and charm and cricket, to save the day, to save me, I truly did gave in to despair. You never came back. The loneliness is a choice, and I squandered it. I gave you up."

"I'm sorry . . . Nyssa." He whispered.

"The time for reconciliation with me is long since gone, Doctor. My time is almost over, and the years I have spent waiting for you can never be given back. I know you are in pain. I know you are grieving, and I know what you have lost, and for that I am so, so sorry. But, there is one thing you can do, for both me, and yourself. . ."

"Anything. I will do anything"

"I want you to live, Doctor. Live, and live well. Find the people you love and hold them close. The girl, Rose Tyler . . . never let her go."

"Be amazing. Be beautiful. Be fantastic, Doctor. Absolutely fantastic."

* * *

"Because the pain is forever, and you do not have to face it alone."


End file.
